Why You’re In A Sexless Marriage (And What You Can Do About It As A Man)
If you’re in a sexless marriage, you’ve probably asked yourself:
Is this just what happens after kids?
Is this normal long term?
Did she just lose attraction?
Is something wrong with me?
First, you’re not crazy.
Second, this is more common than you think.
Third, it’s fixable.
But not the way most men try to fix it.
The Real Reason Sex Disappears in Marriage
Sex rarely disappears because of “low libido.”
It disappears because of lost polarity, eroded trust, emotional instability, and lack of leadership.
Attraction is responsive.
If your wife feels:
Emotionally unsafe
Overburdened
Forced into the masculine role of decision-maker
Resentful from your not following through with your word
Or simply bored
Her nervous system shuts down sexually.
This doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you.
It means the dynamic has shifted.
The Mistakes Men Make in a Sexless Marriage
Most men respond in one of three ways:
They pressure or negotiate for sex
They withdraw and build resentment
They try to be “nicer” and more accommodating, like washing the dishes, etc.
None of these restore desire.
Desire requires polarity.
Polarity requires grounded masculine leadership.
Not dominance.
Not control.
Not manipulation.
LEADERSHIP!
What Actually Rebuilds Attraction
Here’s what shifts a sexless marriage:
1. Emotional Regulation
If you’re reactive, defensive, or easily triggered, safety disappears. Emotional mastery restores stability.
2. Clear Direction
Women relax when someone is steering. Indecision kills polarity.
3. Boundaries Without Anger
Attraction grows when you stop over-accommodating and start respecting yourself.
4. Rebuilding Play and Adventure
Marriage becomes roommate energy when everything revolves around logistics and children.
Is Less Sex After Kids Normal?
Yes…temporarily. (This is exactly what happened to me after our first was born).
But long-term disconnection is not inevitable.
Many professional men accept a slow erosion of intimacy because they believe:
“This is just what marriage becomes.”
It doesn’t have to.
When masculine presence strengthens, sexual energy often returns naturally.
If You Want to Fix a Sexless Marriage
Stop focusing on sex.
Start focusing on:
How much of your word is your bond
How you lead the home
How you regulate your nervous system
How you create polarity
Sex is a byproduct of dynamic energy, not a chore to negotiate.
If your marriage feels distant, flat, or sexless, the work isn’t about begging for intimacy.
It’s about becoming the kind of man intimacy responds to.
Let me know if this resonates with you!
